Crying over a Peanut Butter

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Hey there!

It's been quite a while since my last post. Many things has change, however I do feel that I am again at the same point as I've been in September. At August I broke up with a guy who was a narcisist and the relationship was really psycologically exhausting. When I look back at it, I think it was not so difficult for me to overcome the breakup stress, once I decided and really saw that the relationship was bad for me and my health.

About a month after a breakup I met very nice guy at the job. He was exactly my ex's opposite. We started slowly, since he was aware that I needed time and everything was just perfect. I found a person to talk to and I slowly fell in love with him. With him everything was so easy. People around us told me that we are made for each other.



And than shock! He suddenly decided to break up with me for no apparent reason. And the most upsetting thing was that he kept his feelings and question marks about us inside of him. He gave them many turns in the past two weeks without me even noticing it. After I learnt about it I felt played and betrayed. How can a person so close to you "lie" to you and pretends that everything is ok, when it's clearly not?? Have you ever felt this feeling? Isn't it devastating and it makes you doubt about everything.

I cannot say that I wish I never met him, the relationship was one of the most nurturing and loving relationship I've had in my life. Even though it lasted only about 3.5 monhts (we met in October, started dating at the end of November and broke up at the end of February), I still cannot believe and cannot explain myself what went wrong.

I know that breakups cannot always be explained on a reasonal level, but this would help me so much to move on.

During our relationship I've also moved to a new flat, all by myself. He was always there for me, helping with the move... he was also the one who made me addicted to peanut butter. Last 3 days I haven't been eating much (which always happens to me during an emotional crisis) so I forced myelf to eat. Since my fridge is almost empty, there was peanut butter and jam staring at me from the fridge. And when I made my peanut butter sandwiches (which happens to be his favourite snack), I burst into tears. (I burst into tears again while writing this paragraph).

So what to do? How to overcome it?

I am still at the stage when I hope that he will come back. (But, will he??). I need to move on slowly, but it seems impossible. To get some help, I started to watch youtube videos about the topic, and here I would like to share one of them with you.

I hope it helps.

xoxo