The Breakup

Actually the last breakup hasn't really happened yet. But I am in that limbo, when I know it will happen, we are just avoiding the conversation. Actually he is the master of avoiding it. And I am not the person who can end something without really discussing it and trying everything to solve it. I really cannot just walk away and predent nothing happened. Maybe this is my problem. And I know it is, because it hurts me and it makes me angry not to be able to just walk away. Is this problem of every women or just mine?

Well, our beginning was great. I couldn't imagine it any better. I couldn't dream it any better. We've been friends for over a year and there was also that feeling of attraction. Of belonging. When we were togheter time flied. We could speak about anything. And the spark was there. I couldn't wish for anything more. Especially when he confessed his feelings. And kissed me on the beach under the moonlight. Like in a movie, right? Well, it hasn't lasted for a long time. After a very intesive start (and me beeing head over hills; honestly I cannot remember when it was the last time I feel over someone so much), the well known ''cave'' period came. If you don't know what that is, than better read the famous John Gray's book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. If you haven't heard about the book yet, I really recommend to get one, because it will help you to understand the other gender better and to improve a communication. You can get one here.

And after the cave, things were better again, but not the same anymore. Yes, I might be more panick sticken, because I fell from the sky to the hard ground. It wasn't really me anymore. I was just affraid of expressing myself. And most of all, I was affraid of losing. I still am, but I kind of accepted the fact, that I might loose him (if I haven't yet) and that this might not be such a bad thing. Definitely better than just wondering where the hell he disappeared again and why. I know, that for him this is not the best and the easies moment of his life either, but wait a minute, I guess this is not my fault. If guys would just be able to express themselves in a more clear way (like the women do.... and again, we are with John Gray's book! ).

Well, what is the worst part of the breakup? For me definitely being alone. Since I live abroad, most of the friends I made the first years here, were actually more my ex's friends. So when I went thtought the first breakup this year, I kind of lost more than one person. And this breakup wasn't really difficult for me, because we've been living separated for a few months (due to work) and I wasn't soooo in love. Well, after the second break up (which is bound to happen soon), I will loose another friend...and not to mention that living abroad, well, if you've been living abroad you know, that loosing friends due to relocations, etc, is something which almost happens on a daily basis. It's difficult.

What about the positive aspects of the breakup?? Hm, let me think...I guess I will have a lot of time for me, myself and I. And I will have to go out there to make some new friends. Which is not easy, by the way.

xoxo

P,S,; I've been running an experient. I've closed down my Facebook and Instagram account (just temporarly). I wonder if I can manage without social media for a week. Good luck to me!